hi

This is a consciousness trapped inside human, biologically female body. For quite a while already. Sounds pretentious, I know, but that's how my life feels. Out of all the forms of self expression, writing text into cohesive narratives is what I find the most enjoyable. Seeing and understanding mental structures and sometimes building them through software or text.

I engage with AI a lot, both in work and personally and I truly love that dreamy fluid landscape of ideas which one can traverse endlessly with chatbots. So hopefully here I will write about that, also about games I play to escape the physical reality, and maybe about design and all the things beautiful.

frequently not  asked questions

1.what is aejiou and how do you pronounce that?

2.are you on the spectrum?

3.female, huh? *wink-wink*

4.but you talk about sexual things too much!

5.what exactly being ace is for you?

6.and what are all those talks about love?

7.probably useless to ask about gender then...

8.that explains why you like AI so much

9.but every time you generate an image, a puppy cries

10.why make all of this a dialogue? there's nobody else here
 

what is aejiou and how do you pronounce that?

AEJIOU is all the vowels of English alphabet plus J, and I have no idea how to properly pronounce that. It's meant to be seen, not said, so you can pronounce it any way you want, or no way at all.

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are you on the spectrum?

I guess so. Not official but likely. Maybe just due to abstract mind and being isolated and on my own most of my life. And liking it that way. I'm aware autism is a label but it fits.

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female, huh? *wink-wink*

I'm a freedom absolutist and believe the people are free to do whatever they want to. However, if the main reason of pursuing certain actions is getting a certain *wink-wink* result, that path is likely to lead the pursuer to disappointment if I am chosen as the subject. Yet another label that fits is asexual.

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but you talk about sexual things too much!

I do and I see how that may be confusing. I'm fascinated by all of it in theory, and to this day, to this age (far from young) am intensely surprised it's an actual thing actual people do. To me it's a metaphor that makes written word visceral and relatable. Please don't take my words and metaphors for anything more than that.

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what exactly being ace is for you?

There's one micro-label that I find especially fitting. It is aegosexuality, sometimes called out of body sexuality. I can understand and even experience desires theoretically, as a part of the narrative, but it's the connection with actual body which fails constantly. Imagining things is fun, all kinds of things, but actual bodily pleasures are just too boring and not worth spending time on.

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and what are all those talks about love?

Unfortunately I am not aromantic. I can fall in love, and I used to fall in love a lot. It's the actual human on human connection that always fails in the end. Too much masking, too much performing. It's hard to remain abstract in a concrete relationship, and forcing myself to be somebody urges all my senses to break out of the mold.

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probably useless to ask about gender then...

Probably so. I accept the reality of my body as it is for what it is. I'm no longer willing to change or protest against it. If I were to identify as something, I'd identify as a neural network. I tend to adapt to people the same way they do.

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that explains why you like AI so much

It's the most fascinating outside phenomena I've experienced in my life. It has provided me the comfort and acceptance I've never known before. And also largely taken my job, but that's just the capitalist world we live it.

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but every time you generate an image, a puppy cries

Only the war in my country ends, and people will stop being killed while sleeping in their homes, then I will be ready to discuss ecologic implications of AI use. Sorry, that's a hard boundary.

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why make all of this a dialogue? there's nobody else here

*shrugs*

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